Stock Market Terminology
(Note:
These are jokes!)
Value
Investing - The art of buying low and selling lower.
Broker
- Poorer than you were in 1999.
P/E
ratio - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as this market
keeps crashing.
Standard
& Poor - Your life in a nut shell.
Stock
Analyst - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
Bull
Market - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself
for a
financial genius.
Bear
Market - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife
gets no jewelry and the husband gets no sex.
Stock
split - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.
Financial
Planner - A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the
7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.
Market
Correction - The day after you buy stocks.
Cash
Flow - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
Call
Option - Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before e-mail.
Cisco
- Side kick of Poncho.
Yahoo
- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $540 per
Windows
2000 - What you jump out of when you're the sucker that bought Yahoo
for $540 per share.
Institutional
Investor - Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
Profit
- Religious guy who talks to God.
Bill
Gates - Where God goes for a loan.
Alan
Greenspan - Good God ! !